It's gonna be a long hard road, but i'll get there!
by ThoughtsAreMeantToBeLetOut
Summary: Stefan Salvatore. He used to be the one person she would gladly give everything to. Her life, her love, her mind, her body, her soul. Now she's not even sure she has anything left to give.


**Don't worry guys I've not abandoned my other fics but I just had to get this one shot out. **  
**This is my take on what happened inside of Elena's head during that scene in the woods where she gets her humanity back.**

**Be on the lookout for the next chapters of 'Only know you love her when you let her go' (Stelena) and 'Sometimes love is just a four letter word' (Finchel) that are probably going to be up tomorrow or Monday!**

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They're in the woods when she's calling Damon's bluff to kill Matt.  
She's pretty convinced he's not going to do it but then again it **is **Damon and with him you never know but then again, what does she care, right?  
He can do whatever the hell he pleases.  
But, the moment she hears Matt's neck snap,something inside herself snaps with him and it opens all of the floodgates.  
Poor Matt, dead. Damon killed her best friend, all because they couldn't find another way to torture her, the get her to turn her humanity on.  
She can't begin to explain how relieved she feels when Damon holds up Matt's hand and she sees the huge Gilbert ring staring back at her.  
Matt's okay, he's going to be fine. Her on the other hand she's not so sure about.

Her whole body starts to tremble and she needs to get out of these woods, she needs to get away from all of this. The emotions are getting the best of her and she won't let them take over, she can't.  
So, she does the only thing she can think of and that is to escape, walk away. But, Damon stops her and tries to reach out to her.  
Damon's trying to make her listen to him but all of the emotions that are running through her right now are just so overwhelming.  
She's pushing them away, she's pushing him away.  
Every emotion enters her mind like a flood gate and she can't find the handle to close the bridge. Everything comes all at once and it practically cripples her.

She needs to find some way to relieve the excruciating pain she's feeling so she punches the car window as hard as she can and somehow the shattering glass doesn't give her the satisfactions he needs.  
She doesn't want this, she can't handle this, and she needs to turn it off again. Let herself be numb to everything around her.  
She tried to kill Bonnie and Caroline and she actually killed that hunter and that waitress at the diner. She feels utterly disgusted with herself and she doesn't know how to push those memories away, she doesn't want to feel any of it but she can't seem to find her switch, she needs to turn it all off, but she can't.  
When she sees Stefan from the corner of her eyes trying to calm her down with his hands and his words, she knows she has to focus on him to get her through this.  
If there's one person who knows how to handle this it's him.  
She tries really hard to focus but it feels like she's looking right through him.

His words are a distant whisper and she's trying her hardest to concentrate on them, blocking out every other sound she hears and solemnly concentrating on the soft soothing words of the beautiful man standing before her.  
The one person who knows what she's going through, the only one that has felt what she's feeling, the only one who **can **help her.

_"Elena, listen to me, listen to me"  
_  
With every word he speaks she finds something inside her to hold on to and she tries to breathe him in, all of him.

_"Find that one thing inside of you that makes you want to live"_

She's swarming in emotions right now and she's trying to find one to latch on to.  
Somehow she can make herself focus on him, keeps listening to his voice, looking into his beautiful eyes filled with hurt, hurt for her, hurt because of her.  
She focuses al her attention on him and channels all the love she feels for him and it's then that she feels the emotions fade away.

_"That's it, just breathe it in"  
_  
She just keeps staring through his eyes, into his soul. It's like she's seeing him again for the first time, reliving every moment they spent together, every laugh, every kiss, every caress, every I love you.

"_Let it in, let it in, let it in_"

His words echo through her mind and she's trying to breathe them in.  
He keeps repeating those words and she's trying really hard to listen to them, to focus on those words, to feel, to let herself care.  
She can feel guise bumps on her skin eaventhough she knows she can't actually get them, somehow here body is finding a way to let out all of the pent up emotions inside of her.  
She can feel a weight being lifted of her shoulders and she knows she's already halfway there. She can't seem to tear herself away from his stare and that's when it all hits her, all of the horrible things she's done to him.

For the first time this evening she looks at him, really looks at **him **and that's when she sees it.  
There's this look of complete and utter desperation and hurt on his face and she realizes she did this to him.  
She broke the man who couldn't be broken. She lost him, she lost the one person who meant most to her in this screwed up world and she can't blame anyone other than herself for that.  
She lets out one last earth wrenching, heart robbing, and strangled cry for the man she lost and all of the things she's done to him and then her body turns rigged and she can feel the emotions trying to break their way through again, all of them.

She focuses on one particular one, hatred. Hate for Katherine, the woman who destroyed all of their lives.  
She has to be punished, Katherine has to die.  
When she feels Damon pats her shoulder awkwardly and ask her if she's okay she has to suppress a bitter ironic laugh because off course she isn't okay.  
She's not okay by a long shot but she knows it'll get better. She has to believe that.  
Because deep down she knows that if Stefan can make it out of the darkness, so can she!

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